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Originally Published: January 1974
Author: Kim Fowley
Muscle Of Love
Alice Cooper is an international movie 10 years later set to music. But where is the director, Bob Ezrin? He directed such wow scenes as "I'm Eighteen", "School's Out" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and is nowhere to be found on this LP. When the Coasters lost Lieber and Stoller, they failed; when the Beatles lost Epstein, they failed; and when the Rolling Stones lost Keith Richards (think about it) they failed!
"Big Apple Dreamin' " (Hippo) is a "Lost in New York City" song. So is "Up On the Roof" as performed by the Drifters. A typical plot found on late night TV show relished so much by Vincent from Camelback High School, a friend of George Burns, and as American as Paul Simon who writes a lot of Gotham songs too.
"Never Been Sold Before" is Irina La Douce set to horn rock. Crow was more vital.
"Hard Hearted Alice" shows the used-to-be Knazz have been listening to Joe Cocker's opening organ grease on "With A Little Help From My Friends". Nice "acid rock" bridge, where's the insense guys? The token jazz is here and thank God the violins from cut one aren't. Who ever put the first strings on a rock 'n' roll record should be yawned at forever.
"Crazy Little Child" is Alice's Leon Russell neo Randy Newman opus and suffers from the indigestion effects of the cross breedings of these two boring categories, heavily flavored with its "Stagger Lee" lyric crap.
"Working Up A Sweat" ain't grotesque. It ain't teenage. It's almost Freddy Cannon but it ain't stupid so it won't be a classic.
"Muscle Of Love" is fun to dance to, so it must be good. The best cut on this 33 1/3 long player. But much too long.
"Man With The Golden Gun" owes a lot to "Come Together" which owes a lot to Chuck Berry who owes a lot to Cab Calloway who just wanted to be Eddie Duchin of the dance world. George Raft waddled in a much more zorch manner. Hooray! Horrible Shirley Bassey ending.
"A Teenage Lament!" must be hard when you're imitating the Band from Big Pink. Where's Chester? Jackie DeShannon was more convincing. Touching! The doo wops are out of place.
"Woman Machine" is sexiest slop. When is James Brown going to record a glitter song?
Shep Gordon is a genius. Bob Ezrin is a genius. Alice Cooper is a genius. Muscle Of Love isn't a genius piece of work. The LP by Queen on Elektra tries harder than Muscle Of Love. Buy it instead.