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Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I'm really sorry you found that old song of mine crude and offensive. Actually, "Cold Ethyl" is just a harmless number about necrophilia.

The point I want to make is that the kids are not bothered by this - their parents are. The kids see the song and gruesome antics, like with the guillotine, for exactly what it is - satire, done with a sense of humor to a rock 'n' roll beat.

Kids know I am harmless. It's their parents taht make me out to be some kind of a monster. I would like to see you print this in your column, Ann. - Sincerely, Alice Cooper.

Dear Alice Cooper: Thank you for writing.

For those who don't know what necrophilia is, it's sexual intercourse with someone who is dead. You can call it funny if you want to, Alice. I call it sick.

I like satire as much as the next person, but chopping off head and spurting blood all over the place is not my idea of entertainment. I caught your guillotine number in Chicago several years ago and almost lost my supper. (Guess I'm an uncool cat.)

You have in your group some exceptionaly talented performers and you're no slouch yourself, Alice... I just wish you'd clean up your act.

Here's another letter on the same subject. I received thousands - mostly fro your side and against mine.

Ann Landers: I refuse to call you "dear" because you have criticized the lyrics to rock 'n' roll songs.

I am 17 years of age and have grown up with rock 'n' roll. It isn't one bit dirty. It's the way people of this generation think and talk. Anyone who sees something filthy in rock 'n' roll lyrics must have a polluted mind.

Some rock 'n' roll songs have a beautiful philosophy. They tell about being good to animals and neighbors and friends and even parents and brothers and sisters.

If you want to go after the real filth that people are hooked on, take a look at the soap operas. That's YOUR generation, not ours. I bet you'll never print this - A Former Fan.

Dear Former: You lose.